BONDING WITH YOUR BABY

Most people expecting their first child are filled with romantic thoughts of bonding with their newborn babies. Bonding means the forming of a close personal relationship; bonding is why parents will get up in the middle of the night to feed their baby, and why parents will jump in front of a car to save their child.

Many of us expect bonding to occur as soon as our baby is born. After all, new babies bring thoughts of rocking and cooing and contentment—until they are born. Then, cute as they are, many babies bring with them sleepless nights, dirty diapers, crying, and exhaustion. It is not always as easy to bond with this real baby as it was to bond with the perfect baby you imagined.

Bonding is a different experience for each parent, and there is no one right way to bond. Many parents do report feeling an instant bond with their child, but for others, bonding is a slower experience. Bonding with your baby is important, for both you and your baby, as this bond forms the basis of the parent-child relationship.

If you are having a difficult time feeling a connection with your baby, don’t panic. First of all, as long as you are caring for your baby, your baby will probably not sense your struggle. The expression, “fake it ‘til you make it” works well here.

There is also help available. Discuss your feelings with your pediatrician. There can be many reasons for difficulty bonding, including post-partum depression, a difficult labor, a baby with colic, and others. Don’t hesitate to confide in your pediatrician. They are experienced in dealing with these issues and can recommend solutions. 

If possible, confide your feelings in your spouse or partner. They also might be able to find ways to encourage your bonding. Sometimes a spouse can do a little more around the house to ease the workload of a new mother. Or a new mother might need to let Dad have some alone time with the baby to encourage his bonding experience.

There are also some concrete things you can do to encourage bonding. Holding, touching, and feeding your baby will encourage bonding. Face-to-face and skin-to skin contact are especially important. Feeding time is a great example of face-to-face contact. When you hold your baby, notice how he stares up at you while he eats. He is learning about you, learning about this person that keeps him fed and warm. Don’t rush through feedings, and try not to be distracted with other things. Look back and learn about him too.

Holding your baby when he is upset will also encourage bonding. This is not always easy, as some newborns are upset quite a lot. Some parents find the sling–type carriers are helpful in this stage, as they can be close to their babies and still get things done.

Taking care of yourself, giving yourself occasional breaks from your baby, will also encourage bonding because you won’t feel so stressed. Make sure you have some support.

Lastly, try to have fun with your baby in the day-to-day care-taking activities. Sing to your baby while you change his diaper, take a few minutes to play music and dance, read to your baby, talk to your baby, massage your baby. They love it all, and it will encourage both of you to develop loving bonds which will last a lifetime.

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