QUESTIONS TO ASK ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S SCHOOL DAY

Have you ever tried to ask your child about his school day, only to be told he did nothing, or if he did, he doesn’t remember what it was or with whom? You are not alone! Many parents notice that their children of all ages seem reluctant to talk about their school day. Child development experts have several theories for why many children become temporarily mute when it comes to discussing school. Tiredness is probably a factor; most children come home at the end of a day and want some down time. Also, many children seem to enjoy having a world away from mom and dad, a world where they have control over how much information mom or dad has. Whatever the reason, most of us want to find out a little about our child’s day at school, and we have to learn how to ask the right questions. A few tips from the experts:

• Ask specific questions. Instead of “How was your day?” or even “What did you do today?” use the more specific “Did you work on your book report in reading?” or “Did you play with Josh at recess?” Children are more likely to give information when asked specific questions.
• Try talking in the car, especially with older children. Many older children and teens seem more comfortable talking when direct eye contact can be avoided. (Besides, they are trapped with you!) With no distracting TV or phone, your child will be more likely to talk.
• Give your child a chance to come in the door, have a snack, and relax before you start asking anything other than a general “How are you?” No one likes being overwhelmed as they walk in the door.
• Don’t jump to conclusions. If your child reports that a teacher or another child mistreated her, remember that there are two sides to every story. While you want to develop trust with your child, you also need to remember that you may not be getting the whole story. If anything you hear concerns you, you should follow up by calling the teacher to ask what happened. But the conversation will probably be much more successful if you call with an open mind.
• Ask your child about long-term assignments and deadlines. Many children have difficulty planning ahead for the work needed to complete a bigger project. The older the child, the more the parent should let the child assume responsibility.
• The more involved you are in your child’s education, the better your questions will be. Attend parent conferences, know your child’s friends, and volunteer if possible. By observing your child in her school setting, you will be able to ask specific questions that might help her. (Did you work on your handwriting today? I know Ms. Smith said you should be working on it after you finish your class work.)
• Finally, and maybe the best tip of all, listen when your child talks to you. We are all guilty occasionally of “Um-humming” our children as they chatter to us. The problem is, that sentence you don’t listen to might not be repeated. Set aside time to listen when your child wants to talk.

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